What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What do you mean son?

What! how could you do that?

What are the most common signs that a partner will cheat before it happens?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What are the best examples of reverse psychology?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What is the best sex you have ever had (in detail)?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

So I’m getting piano lessons and my teacher wants me to get an upright piano instead of a keyboard. An upright piano is way above my price range, so what do I do? And what’s the difference between an upright piano and a keyboard?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

True - how I loved my mum!

Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.